Current Celebrity Crushes

In no particular order other than the first and always...

+ SLASH: Sigh. The man, the myth, the hotness. My number one celebrity crush of all time. I fucking feel like one of those psycho screaming Elvis Beatles fan girls. When I see him on film I am reduced to a shrieking puddle of girl juice. I have read the autobiography, books about GnR, I could tell you his life story, down to the custom guitars he shreds. I even accosted someone dressed as Slash on Halloween this year and drunkenly professed my love (for Slash). SIGH.

+ Kat Von D: Say what you will about heavily tattooed hipster L.A. chicks, but I am totally taken with her charismatic bubbly personality. Love the raspy voice and rocker girl mentality. Plus her art is incredible. I fucking love you, Kat.

+ Coco: Wife of Ice-T, model, thickest booty anywhere. And the bitch is white as a snowflake. Yeah, yeah, the tits are enormous fake booby orbs and she rocks a barbie doll porno look, but, seriously, HAVE YOU SEEN HER ASS? It is a thing of booty...I mean beauty.

+ Josh Homme: Of Queens of the Stone Age glory. Big redheaded Viking motherfucker with a voice like an angel, a sexy, sweaty angel. Dirty hot. Phew.

+ T.I.: Rappers are not usually my cup of tea, crush-wise, but look at the lips on homeboy over her! I dig his jams too but......oh I'm sorry, did you say something...I WAS LOST IN YOUR EYES.

Stay tuned as the list evolves past this week...

I'm Sorry.

Happy Hannukah!

Happy Hannukah!

Sex Rehab With Dr.Drew.

It's my blog and I can write about whatever asinine shit I want to.

I don't have a t.v. (long story involving a gun and a broken nose in the woods) but I do have the internets (obviously) so I get my fill of amazing crap programs (nearly) commercial free. I love Intervention, which lead me to Celebrity Rehab, which lead me to Sober house, and now Sex Rehab on VH1.com. Here is my vapid synopsis of the characters (no, I don't have anything better to do). Enjoy:

Jennifer Ketchum (aka Penny Flame) – Porn actress / Director / Business woman: Sad and sweet. She reminds me of girls I used to hang out with in middle school; sexually precocious party girls whose dads didn't pay enough attention to.

James “Jamie” Lovett – Surfer / Wakeboarder: Boring, run of the mill surfer bra. He seems brain addled, like he's done too many psychedelics.

Nicole Narain – Model / Playboy Playmate: Fucking stunning. Much more intelligent than she is credited for. Plus, she boned Colin Farrell. Get some self esteem.

Kari Ann Peniche – Beauty queen / Model / Fashion designer: Add moron and evil bratty bitch to that list. Never have I ever wanted to reach through the screen and slap the shit outta someone. What a little piece of shit whiner asshole self absorbed twat . She's from Gresham. And she was once engaged to Aaron Carter. That should tell you something. Idiot. Ugh.

Kendra Jade Rossi – Ex-porn star / Music manager: This bitch creeps me out. She seems sincere in her pain but like a psycho drama queen as well. I bet she is stunning without all the plastic shit in her face.

Duncan Roy - Producer / Writer / Director: Aww. Duncan. Such a nice English boy. I'd like to introduce him to Boy George.

Amber Smith – Supermodel/Reality TV star/Actress: Fell in love with her on Celebrity rehab. How can someone so self aware and intelligent be so fucked up? Her daily epiphanies blow me away. I would totally kick it with her. Lovely.

Phil Varone – Musician: Fuck yeah dude, drummer for Skid Row. Seemingly right up there with Amber; a genuine, intelligent guy. Seems honestly invested in the therapeutic process. I would like to see him with Amber. Heck, if he wasn't close to my dad's age I'd probably bone him.

Well, there you go.