Dear Universe:

Please find me a brilliant, kind hearted, beautiful, thick, mature, emotionally and financially stable, tall man who isn't a drunk or stoned train wreck with a chip on his shoulder. For fucksake.

I am perfectly healthy.
I am perfectly healthy.
I am perfectly healthy.

Shut the Fuck Up Already!

Body shaming under the guise of "I'm worried for your health" is bullshit. Is obesity a problem? Yes, many have sedentary lifestyles and poor nutrition, but unless you have been specifically asked to give your medical opinion on someone's body, then shut your mouth. NO ONE ELSE'S BODY IS ANYONE ELSE'S BUSINESS, nor is body size necessarily indicative of health. You are allowed to wear whatever the hell makes you feel good and happy. Body shaming and fat shaming are one of the few acceptable forms of discrimination left and it's not ok. No one body "type" is more or less entitled to a certain kind of garment. All bodies are good bodies. All bodies are acceptable bodies. End rant.

Sometimes sticking to your guns and doing what you know is right for you means missing out on things.

I am on the right path.

Just received a Facebook message from a friend of a friend who I haven't see or thought about in almost a decade. All I want to do in this life is help people learn that they are important and special and loved. Today I needed to hear that. Here it is:

"I am sobbing!!! Full on! I was near but it's full on! I was just a cool person you knew but I was having a horrible night once (bonfire night, remember that night?)...anyway you pulled me aside and basically told me how I need to find love in myself and how to love myself and fuck everything else and it has REALLY stuck with me all these years. So while I may have been a passer-byer to you.. you were sincerely a really big influence to seeing myself with some self love and helped start me to stopping to loathe myself. I know that sounds really deep, don't mean it to be, you were just a teacher to me at a very turbulent part of my life and it really helped me a lot, turned the page to my next chapter and I've never forgot you and I thank you!"


No, THANK YOU. <3

Summer Jam Selections (aka Musical Shit I'm Obsessed With Currently):

*Now You're Gone- Basshunter

*Oh Yoko- John Lennon

*Cry For You (Radio Edit)- September (might just be the Bronski Beat sample)

*We Are Mustache Riot (Original Mix)- Mustache Riot (yeah, yeah, it's dubstep...)

*L.E.S. Artistes- Santigold

*Four Letter Word- Gossip

*Evangeline- The Band

*Making Time- Creation

*A.M. 180- Grandaddy

*Skinny Love- Bon Iver (still!)

*Wobble- V.I.C.

*Lions In Cages- Wolf Gang

*Miami (Muffin Remix)- Walter Sobcek

*Sail- AWOLNATION

*Lighthouse- NewVillager (a little TVOTR nod, methinks)

*Chiperoni- Alick Nkhata

*Sistinas- Danzig

*Never Le Nkemise 2- Die Antwoord

*We Found Love- Rihanna (and Calvin Harris).......(and while we're at it:)

*Feel So Close- Calvin Harris

*Song to the Siren- John Frusciante (cover)

*Call Your Girlfriend- Robyn

*You Ain't Alone- Alabama Shakes

*Bump n' Grind- R.Kelly

*I Can Make the Pain Disappear- Fear of Tigers

Imbolc.

I can't believe it has taken me almost 30 years to realize that not everyone always deserves the benefit of the doubt and that some people, whether it is nature or nurtured are just not that awesome... and furthermore I can choose to not have them in my life and in my heart. I will always always always be a compassionate and loving human being but this whole "having healthy boundaries" thing is a wonderful concept.

For possibly the first time in my life...

...I feel like I actually believe in God and feel that presence....

Salty Prayers.

Dear Ocean,
I really love and respect you.
Please don't kill me.
Love,
Angelina

Sometimes I feel as if I live a hundred lives in a single minute.

Reasons I Love My Belly (and have abolished body hatred):

It's part of me. It's soft. It's a great prop for an iPod or a book. It makes a good drum. My cat loves it. Children think it's funny. It's warm. It has been through a lot with me. It's a great barometer for my emotional and physical health. It makes me look and feel like a woman. It is a waste of energy to not lovingly embrace any part of myself.

The Ex-files.

It is a truly wonderful and amazing thing when you realize you are truly friends with your ex.

Current Fave Jamz

Dynamite-Taio Cruz (it's sooo top 40, but it's sooo bangin'!)

Club Can't Handle Me (feat. David Guetta)-Flo Rida (see above)

Letting Go (Dutty Love)-Sean Kingston Ft. Nicki Minaj (dis my JAM)

Young Forever (Eyes Dubstep Remix)-Jay-Z (I am apparently the only person/dj not completely obsessed with dubstep at the moment, not every fucking song needs a dubstep remix, but there are some rare gems)

I Can Make The Pain Disappear-Fear of Tigers (so clubby, so euro!)

Coochie Dip City-Das Racist (das good shit)

My Jamaican Guy-Grace Jones (LL Cool J was a genius to sample this)

Don't Stop Just Dance-Lady Gaga x Journey x DJ Slink (I want to hate it, but alas, I cannot, Gaga? Journey? What's not to love?!)

Chattanooga Choo Choo (DMoeFunk Club Mix)-The Andrews Sisters (remix by my dj homie and sometimes gig partner Dan Moe, an amazing dj and all around stellar dude)

Hang With Me (Avicii Remix)-Robyn (all Robyn all the time!)

Candy-Cameo (man, fuck Word Up, this is the best Cameo song)


Good Times-Roll Deep (some real English club shit! Reminds me of 90's Corona, which is a good thing)

Mr. Postman (Dubstep Refix)-Cragga (yeah, yeah, I've heard it a bijillion times too, but there's a reason for it!)

Bad Romance (Grum Remix)-Lady Gaga (so New Wave! Best Gaga remix ever)

Jotkut Muijat ft. Mariska-Lord Est (Bollywoooood!)

Half Light II (No Celebration)-Arcade Fire (it's the anthem, get your damn hands up)

Tarzan Boy-Baltimora (I will always play this song, forever and a day)

Fuck You-Cee Lo Green (duh)

The Opposite Of Adults (KIDS)-Chiddy Bang (I love this shit)

Tik Tok (Fred Falke Remix Club)-Ke$ha (awesome remix, that Kesha ho has the best producers)

Song For No One-Miike Snow (I dig all their shit, but this is my fave)

Cooler Than Me (Gigamesh Remix)-Mike Posner (the lyrics are dum dum but the song is goodish, remix is better, like Sister Act 2)

I'm A Lady (Diplo Mix Ft Amanda Blank)-Santogold (Santigold, whatever, potato, potahhhhto, good song)

I Need A Light-Warren G. (endearingly sad and soulful)



And that's the short list!
xo

*POOF*! Be gone.

I wish some people would just drop off the face of the fucking earth. Or go live on a remote island somewhere completely out of my periphery. Mostly I wish I didn't feel like a caged animal every time I saw them, which is inevitable, pretty much on a daily basis.
Get the fuck outta my heart, outta my head and outta my face!
Disappear.

The End.

Clean Bill of Health

It has been just over a year since I had an abnormal PAP. I had some extensive and very invasive gynecological procedures done to determine that I had abnormal cells on my cervix that were the cancer causing variety. After that round of tests, including a colposcopy which fucking SUCKED it was determined that no cancer was present but there were cellular changes that if multiplied could feasibly turn into cervical cancer. This morning I got the results of my yearly exam. NORMAL. Nothing awry. Happy cervix. Happy Angelina. Big fucking sigh of relief. And here is a jellyfish photo I took that looks like a cervix:

28.

I am 28 years young today.

Out of the darkness and into the light.

MUSE-IC

Music fills my heart to the very brim!

Anniversary

Today is the ten year anniversary of the worst day of my life. It was ten years ago today that my oldest sister Becky passed away. She was my best friend, my confidant and my heart. There is a saying "great loss makes you impervious to pain"; I do not believe that it makes you impervious but it does put things into perspective. Nothing will ever hurt as much as that day and because of that loss I know I can handle whatever life throws at me.

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Today is the ten year anniversary of the worst day of my life. It was ten years ago today that my oldest sister Becky passed away. She was my best friend, my confidant and my heart. There is a saying "great loss makes you impervious to pain"; I do not believe that it makes you impervious but it does put things into perspective. Nothing will ever hurt as much as that day and because of that loss I know I can handle

The human soul is incredibly resilient. :)
R.I.P. Rebecca Anne Martin